Sometimes kids and teenagers get depressed, or anxious, but sometimes parents do too. It is confusing when your mother or father starts acting differently. They still love you, but how should you act? Can you help? Here are some books that may help.

When a Parent is Depressed by

Please Don't Cry, Mom by DenBoer (1994)
This is an illustrated book, written for elementary school children. However, its description of recurrent major depression is so good that the book would be valuable for adolescents and some adults. It describes a boy’s feelings about his mother’s depression and her resistance to treatment. After her husband sets limits, she accepts treatment and begins to improve. The book describes the importance of family participation in treatment and the importance of taking one’s medication regularly. Ultimately, the boy gains knowledge and a sense of mastery.

2. Tell Me a Story, Paint Me the Sun by Chaplan (1991)
This is an illustrated book, appropriate for elementary school children and younger adolescents. It describes a girl whose father loses his job and becomes depressed (or starts drinking). Although he does not seek treatment or improve, she is able to talk to other adults and learn that she is worthwhile. This book is useful for the child who must learn to cope with ongoing parental denial of a mental illness or drug problem.

3. Daddy Doesn't Have to be a Giant Anymore by J R Thomas (1996) Clarion Books
This illustrated book is told from the elementary school aged daughter's point of view. It describes her reactions to her alcoholic father's mood swings and erratic behavior. She is present when family and friends arrange a supportive confrontation to break down the father's denial and get him into residential treatment. When he returns from the treatment, he is on the road to sobriety and is able to talk to his daughter about his past behavior.

4. Sad Days, Glad Days by DeWitt Hamilton (1995) Albert Whitman and Co.
This story tells about the feelings of Amanda, an elementary school-aged girl as she experiences her mother's unpredictable episodes of recurrent depression. The mother also clearly experiences anguish when she sometimes cannot respond to her child's needs. Her mother and father both help Amanda understand that her mother loves her and that the mother's depressive episodes are not Amanda's fault. Amanda conceptualizes her mother's moods as colors. The illustrations sensitively follow this metaphor to catch the moods and experiences of the mother and the household. Amanda and her mother learn that despite recurrent depression, the mother can still find ways to give of herself to Amanda.

What is ADHD?

• Difficulty paying attention

• Trouble keeping notebooks and assignments organized. Loses things a lot

• Difficulty finishing things he or she has started.

• Talks too much

• Fidgets

• Runs around or climbs things a lot more than other kids.

Some kids with ADHD are easy to spot. These are the ones that show everything on this list. They move around a lot. A few may have a hot-temper and get into fights easily. Other kids are just inattentive. They only have the first three things in the list. They just seem to daydream a lot. Their notebooks may be less organized and they may need reminders to get their projects finished.

Kids with ADHD might take medication, see a tutor, have extra classroom help, or see a therapist. What can you do to help?

• If you have a work partner with ADHD, you might help them make a "to do" list.

• Remind them about when assignments are due.

• If you sit next to someone who is distractible, don’t make it worse. Don’t pass them notes or jokes during study time.

• If the kid has a hot temper, try not to do things that will set it off.

• Don’t call them "space cadet" "stupid" or other cruel names.

• If they want to tell you about their medications or other treatments, listen. Otherwise, don’t bring it up unless you are a close friend.

ADHD is not all bad. If it were, the trait would have died out centuries ago. People with ADHD have a lot of energy and creativity. A kid with ADHD may be the tireless soccer player or the one with the weird but creative ideas. This sort of kid may grow up to be a professional ball player or a famous inventor. Be nice to him. One day, you may be proud to say that you knew the guy when he was a kid.

Why do we get nervous? I certainly don’t like it when it happens to me, and I don’t think that other people enjoy it much either.

Humans developed this panic reaction for a good reason. It kept them alive.

Let’s say you lived a thousand years ago. While hunting with your family, you saw members of an enemy tribe heading your way. Your body would release panic hormones. Your heart would pound faster, you would breathe harder. Your muscles would get extra blood flow. That would make it easier for you to run away fast. The exercise of running would help keep you from staying upset and anxious once you had reached the safety of your village.

In modern America, we are less likely to be in that type of danger.

In our modern world, when you get that type of panic reaction, you usually can’t just get up and run. The panic feeling may stick around longer. In most people, that is all that happens. However, some people get regular panic attacks or fears. (phobias)

Phobias are fears of specific things such as spiders. ( arachnophobia) or of a situation such as being in high places (acrophobia) Sometimes a person might have a bad experience with a dog and go on to develop a fear of all dogs. Sometimes phobias gradually get better. Otherwise, a few sessions with a psychiatrist or psychologist may teach you how to get rid of the phobia.

If you are spending a lot of your time worrying or if you are having panic attacks, let someone know.

The school nurse is a pretty busy person. She usually does a number of different things as part of her job.

She is often the first medical person to see you if you get sick or hurt at school. Most people have met her when they got hit too hard by a baseball or had a cut or scrape. For this kind of thing, she may fix it up and send you back to class. If it is a fever or the flu, she takes care of you until your parents get there. Occasionally, someone has a bad accident or gets seriously ill at school. Then you really see her in action. She arranges for an ambulance or other emergency help and may start emergency medical care. Hopefully it will never happen, but it is nice to know that she can handle that sort of thing.

Some students need to take medicine at school. Unless you have special permission, don’t carry medicine around school in your pocket! People are very concerned about the issue of illegal drugs and you don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea! The nurse or an assistant should keep the medicine and give it to you at the right time. Some people really like that daily visit and the nurse gets to be a special friend. Other students are embarrased. They worry that people will find out about the medicines and will laugh at them. Let’s face it—some people can be rude or even cruel. If this worries you, talk to your doctor and to the school nurse. Between them, they may be able to figure a way to get around the problem.

Students with diabetes, asthma or other medical problems may get more intensive help from the nurse.

Occasionally, a student likes the health suite too much. Then the nurse may have to be firm and send him back to class.

There are many types of bullies and you will meet them in different places all your life. So, its a good idea to start learning how to deal with them now.

The best way to avoid being bullied is to learn to avoid being a target. Try not to give the bully an easy victim. Be the type of person that a bully would like to avoid. Look the bully in the eye and use a strong voice. That bully may decide that you are not someone he or she wants to pick on. Work on building good self esteem. If you feel confident inside yourself, you won’t look like a victim and it will be easier to stand up for your rights. Develop ties with friends and family. That way, you will not be as isolated. Finally, you should stick up for other kids who are being bullied. That way, people will see that you are not the type of person who puts up with bullies. Besides, the person you help, may do the same for you in the future.

It would be nice if this would eliminate bullying. Unfortunately, even if you do your best to avoid being a target, someone will still try to bully you. What do you do then?

Remember that you always have some choices. Usually, you should stand up to the bully and not give in. There are a few exceptions that we will mention at the end of this article. If people are using unkind words to tease you, try act as if it does not bother you. Go over a mental list of your good qualities. If ignoring is not enough, try to use humor to calm things down. Change the subject to something else that might interest everybody. If you think that a bully might be planning to bother you again, hang around with your friends, so you are not an isolated target. If you sense that you are in physical danger, get away as fast as possible. Yell for people to help you.

Bullies sometimes try to threaten you into keeping things a secret. This is not a good idea. Tell a trusted adult. This person may be able to help you out of the situation.

If you really feel that you are in physical danger, give the bully what he or she wants. Your safety is more important than money or a nice jacket. However, try not to get in a car or go to an isolated place with this person.

Everybody gets sad sometimes. You feel like your parents or your friends hate you and you want to stay up in your room and get away from them all. That can happen to anyone. However, the feelings usually pass in a few hours or a few days. Pretty soon, you are back to your usual self.

Occasionally, some kids get bad feelings that do not go away. The sad or angry feelings go on for weeks or months. He or she may lose interest in friends and school. It can affect appetite. Even the one’s very favorite food seems unappealing.

Carol E. Watkins, MD

Lots More Books for Kids and Adolescents about Mental Health Issues: Divorce, Depression, School Problems and More!

Northern County Psychiatric Associates
Our practice has experience in the treatment of Depression, Attention Deficit Disorder(ADD or ADHD), Separation Anxiety Disorder, and other psychiatric conditions. We are located in Northern Baltimore County and serve the Baltimore County, Carroll County and Harford County areas in Maryland. Since we are near the Pennsylvania border, we also serve the York County area.   Our services include psychotherapy, psychiatric evaluations, medication management, and family therapy. We treat children, adults, and the elderly. Visit our web site http://www.ncpamd.com or http://www.baltimorepsych.com 

We also maintain a list of informative web sites on mental health topics, such as Attention Deficit Disorder, Parenting and Support Groups. We have links of interest to the general public and links of interest to primary care physicians and other professionals.

Northern County Psychiatric Associates

Offices in Monkton and Lutherville, Maryland