Miss Managed
Care, an
acknowledged expert, explains the niceties of
tactful, proper dealings between the various social classes involved in the
medical management of covered lives today.
Please
send your questions. So
that Miss Managed Care will know that you intend your missive for her alone, put
her name in the subject line.
Being an important
personage, Miss Managed Care cannot promise to answer, or even read, all of your
letters. However, she will do her best. Miss Managed Care frowns on repeated
submissions of the same questions. Spam looks a little like multiple billing for
the same service and we wouldn't like that now, would we? As is common in the
managed care industry, Miss Managed Care may have a tendency to lose, misread,
or misfile your requests. She begs the Gentle Reader to have patience. She is
confident that her readers have ample practice in this area.
Miss Managed
Care
Dear Miss Managed Care,
I am pharmaceutical
representative and am new to the field. My regional supervisor, Mr. Screwtape,
has given me an extensive orientation and is continuing to advise me in weekly
letters.
Despite this, I am still
puzzled. I have visited several physicians, left a formal calling card, sent
valuable presents, including invitations to the theater, and other
considerations. Yet despite, my best efforts, several physicians, insist on
returning my presents, refusing my invitations, and will not talk to me about
it. My best instincts tell me to gracefully accept that I have been rejected and
move on. However, Mr. Screwtape insists that I persist, with these reluctant
suitors.
My mother always told me
not to throw myself at people. She said that it made me look like a tramp. What
should I do?
Sincerely,
Jane Wormwood
------------------------------
Dear Gentle Reader:
I applaud your tender
sensibilities. I appreciate your sensitivity to your suitors’ hints that your
attentions are not wanted.
However, since you are
under the tutelage of Mr. Screwtape, you must have already lost your innocence
and probably your soul too. How this loss of innocence affects your interactions
with your physicians, Miss Managed Care does not really want to know. The way
you make a sale is not her business.
She will attempt to
address your question as best she can. Traditionally, the object of one’s
attention is allowed to be “occupied” or “not at home” when you leave
your calling card.
The modern equivalent of
the butler is the office manager. This individual has the duty to inform you of
your doctor’s unavailability. It is not appropriate to bribe an office
manager/butler with trinkets such as calendars, candy or snacks. One should
accept one’s rejection with stoic resignation.
Sincerely,
Miss
Managed Care
This
week, Modern Healthcare tells us that accredited hospitals will be required
to make doctors tell patients when they have received substandard care,
according to new hospital accreditation standards adopted by the Joint
Commission on Accreditation of Healthcare Organizations.
All
I can say is, somebody call Judith Martin! She needs to start working on her
next weighty volume. I suggest: "Miss Managed Care's Twenty-First
Century Guide To Docs Eating Crow." It might go something like this
Miss
Managed Care is always against the idea of a host or hostess pointing out
his or her own poor performance in the realm of hospitality. It is with this
in mind that she reluctantly offers her advice on how physicians can best
reveal "substandard" care to patients, per unfortunate new JCAHO
accreditation standards.
"With
the broad presumption that those involved are all polite people who
acknowledge that they must participate in this unsavory ritual of
disclosure, repentance, forgiveness, etc., Miss Managed Care suggests a
brief narrative disclosure written in cursive longhand on a cheerful linen
note paper. The patient receiving the note will immediately notice the care
that was taken in the selection of stock and the friendly nature of the
missive, and a bright, optimistic tone will be conveyed. Colored ink would
be especially nice.
"The
content of the letter should be upbeat, highlighting the positive aspects of
the patient/physician encounter in question and only briefly describing the
error (s) in question, however egregious. If possible, point out the
"silver lining" in the cloud of medical misconduct.
"For
example, a physician who had accidentally removed a patient's ears might
point out the ease with which the patient could now slip on a knit cap. A
surgeon who left an instrument in a patient's abdomen might write, 'I am so
pleased to know that, thanks to me, you will always have a pair of scissors
with you wherever you go.' Miss Managed Care reminds us that there are
always opportunities for good grace, even within the admittedly unpleasant
arena of accreditation."
Miss Managed
Care
It
should do wonders for the doctor/patient relationship.
http://www.nhcqa.org/buletin.html
Bulletin
of the National Healthcare Cost and Quality Association
Dear Miss Managed Care,
Our HMO has recently
expanded its coverage. We now continue to provide care (and bill) our dead
subscribers. These subscribers have a very low rate of complaints about our
services. However, they have a tendency to be stiff-necked, and unresponsive to
repeated calls from our care managers. What is the proper way for our care
managers to deal with this new class of subscribers?
Gentle Reader,
It appears that you
unaware of the correct way to address these individuals or the polite way to
interact with them. Refer to them as "vitally challenged", and please
avoid the outmoded, pejorative term, "dead." As for their verbal
"unresponsiveness" Miss Managed Care would suggest that your care
managers be empathic and simply write down what you imagine they would say or
feel. You have ample practice using this technique with your living subscribers.
Miss Managed Care commends your attempts to broaden your understanding of this
vast underserved population.
Miss Managed
Care
This site is presented by Northern
County Psychiatric Associates
The opinions expressed in the jokes are not necessarily those of our practice.
External Web Sites can change without notice. We cannot be responsible for
content or subject matter of external links.
Northern County
Psychiatric Associates
Offices in Monkton and Lutherville, Maryland
Copyright © 2001 Northern County
Psychiatric Associates
Last modified:
October 13, 2007
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