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(from the Truth or Consequences Daily Ringer)
New Mexico Senate Approves Second Moon

by  Ace Ryter

SANTA FE–By a vote of 29-9, the New Mexico State Senate has authorized the creation of a second moon to orbit the earth.

The Senate's action follows passage last week of an identical measure by the House of Representatives and sends the bill to the governor, who has 20 days to sign it into law.

Elated proponents of the bill expressed confidence that the governor would sign. "They said it couldn't be done," said a jubilant Sen. Klaus House of Taos, the bill's lead sponsor in the Senate, "and yet thanks to the courageous action by this body, two moons will soon be shining over this great state."

The bill is the first of its kind in the nation to pass both chambers of a state legislature. Proposals to authorize creation of a second moon have been defeated in each of the last three legislative sessions in New Mexico. This year, however, the initiative gained momentum among lawmakers from rural parts of the state, where weather conditions have reduced the existing moon's availability. One eight-county area has had virtually no access to the moon this year.
Senators from rural districts voted unanimously for the bill, which was heavily lobbied by the New Mexico Astrological Association. Rich Mann, spokesman for the NMAA, praised the senators for their vote.
"The Senate's action now allows the governor to relieve the misery and suffering of many New Mexicans," Mann said. He predicted that the presence of a second moon will improve the astrological fortunes of many individuals.

"Right now, a lot of New Mexicans are hurting because there is no moon in the third and eighth houses," Mann said. "A second moon would take care of that.

"It would also create a favorable triadic alignment between Mars and Uranus, which would be good for the sheep."

Allegations that many lawmakers were influenced to vote for the measure by a series of uniformly pessimistic star charts from their astrologers could not be confirmed.

Opponents of the bill received the news with dismay, reiterating their message that the legislation was bad science and bad public policy and expressing the hope that the governor will veto it.

"This is crazy," said Dr. Adam Meiser, president of the New Mexico Astronomical Association. "You can't create a moon by legislating it into existence. The moon is a heavenly body. It was created by astronomic forces unleashed at the beginning of time. This law of man defies the laws of science."

As he did throughout the Senate debate, Sen. House downplayed the importance of science. "Science isn't everything. If we believed in science, we wouldn't be building the Star Wars missile defense shield or teaching creationism in school. These are things that make this country great. We landed a man on the moon, and we can land a man on the other moon. "Anybody who says you can't turn a sow's ear into a silk purse hasn't spoken to me," he added.

Sen. House was credited with rescuing the moon creation bill from an early demise by his response to the claim of Sen. Burnham Glow of Los Alamos that passage of the law would turn New Mexico into the laughingstock of the nation. In a televised hearing that has since become famous across the state, House challenged Glow to draw a picture of a "laughingstock." Glow was unable to respond.

Rich Mann of the Astrological Association dismissed the "laughingstock" issue and noted that members of his organization were already planning how to create a second moon. "We will be sponsoring an intensive ten-week certification course in cosmic geology," he said. Astrologers would then be required to complete a three-month supervised postgraduate program in star gazing and telescope maintenance.

While the moon creation legislation pitted astrologers against astronomers in a loud and at times acrimonious debate, most lawmakers appeared to be oblivious to the struggle between the disciplines. "To be honest, I don't even know what the difference is between an astronomer and an astrologer," said Sen. Heidi High of Santa Fe at a post-passage celebration party at the Sublime Bliss Ale House. "I think they're both beautiful, and those two moons will both be beautiful, too."

Mr. Mann said that members of his organization were considering whether to capitalize on their momentum by sponsoring a bill in the next legislative session to designate Jupiter as a sun. "Nine planets is really more than we need," he said. "And that one sun isn't going to last forever."

Jonathan L. Weker, M.D.
Montpelier, Vermont